The Smiling Jeweler

Yesterday, I was helping a client find the right diamond to go in a Simon G engagement ring, and I came across these two stones. See if you can guess which one is 1.80 carat SI2 H, and which one is a 1.79 Carat SI2 H.

I’ll wait.

If you look closely, you’ll notice that the stone on the left is 0.01 carats larger than the stone on the right. A practiced eye can further differentiate these two certifically (yes, I made that word up) identical stones by the presence of MULTIPLE BLACK INCLUSIONS in the stone on the left. You can see them if you look closely, or are not legally blind.

If you shop based on the certificate information alone, these stones look nearly identical.

One is an EGL (europe) certificate. Cost for the stone is $6,804. The other is a GIA Certificate, cost is $16,431. The truth may not be in the cert, but it’s almost always in the price.

Bottom line:

Know your diamonds, or know your diamond dealer.

You can reach me at 1-800-360-5744.

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Let me begin by saying that no ring has ever made or unmade a great relationship. If you suspect that the wrong ring might doom your relationship, I humbly suggest that you consider pumping the brakes on the matrimony bus, lest a failed attempt at wedded bliss lead you to give up on human companionship altogether and become a cat lady.

It happens.

That said, apart from your winning smile, your wedding ring is the one adornment you hope to wear every day for the rest of your life. As such, some thought should be given to its appearance.

There is a portion of humanity that believes that the most romantic (and therefore right) thing to do is to let your future husband select the ring with only his perfect knowledge of your needs and desires to guide him. After all, hasn’t he demonstrated his impeccable taste by choosing you?

But YOU (wise lady) are reading this article, which means that while you acknowledge that at his best moment he chose you, at other moments he has chosen leave the toilet seat up, and eaten cereal from a frying pan with a tablespoon because his dishes don’t wash themselves.

Your man is great-no question. He’s just not great at everything. Like most men, he needs a little help, and like ALL men, it’s best to let him believe he’s doing it all on his own .

So, how do you help your man pick the right ring without him knowing you’re helping?

First, find the engagement ring of your dreams online. If you want him to have more involvement in the creative process and aren’t set on one style, identify a number of ring styles that share the elements you consider important. Do you like round diamonds, or oval sapphires as a center stone? 18k yellow gold, or Platinum? Modern or antique styling? Once you’ve identified 3 rings that share the characteristics you value, proceed to step two:

Spread the word! Pin the ring styles you’ve selected on Pinterest, and share them on facebook with your girlfriends. Your closest friends and your mother should know your ring size, and your ring style preferences. Why? Because your man will need to know. Will he ask your mother and your best friend for these very important details? No, he will come to me (1-800-360-5744), clueless about rings in general and your preferences and finger size in particular, and I will tell him to ask your best friend, and your mother. See that they know.

Note:
If your best friend and your mother don’t like him (or vice versa), consider what type ring it would take to compensate for a life void of happiness.

AND A NOTE ON CENTER STONES:
While the styling of the ring is your domain, the center stone is up to your man. Most guys looking to get married have more love than money, and it won’t help either of you if you ask for 1 carat flawless round diamond (which costs $25,000 in November 2012) when he has a $5,000 budget.

Do I like selling big diamonds? Oh yes, I do. Very much. Is it loving or necessary to incur immense debt to express your love? No, it isn’t.

For you men out there:
• When a woman says “Surprise Me” she is always and ONLY referring to GOOD SURPRISES. The degree of surprise is not nearly so important as that the surprise be good.

• A good surprise fulfills an existing hope, a bad surprise gets you a restraining order.

• So, get help with the ring style and center stone selection, and surprise her with the timing and thoughtfulness of your proposal.

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We’ve all heard of people spotting the face of Jesus or the Virgin Mary in various objects. On trees, on grilled cheese sandwiches, or in the water stains on the wall. With the exception of a rather large natural nugget that when tilted “just so” looked like a parrot, we’ve found zero likenesses of anything (much less deities or their close relatives) in our gold nuggets. So, one uneventful day, I set out with my imagination to find a nugget that bore close resemblance to either someone, or someTHING, amazing.

Notably absent from our selection of natural Alaskan gold nuggets were Gods, recognizable celebrities, wild animals, famous landmarks, and geographic shapes. Try as I might, I just couldn’t find a nugget with higher aspirations.

I surmised that if God gives His faithful signs in the form of his supposed human likeness, then my motive of commercial gain and publicity should be good for at least the likeness of a Kardashian, but to no avail.

Dejected, I slumped into my chair, resolving to give up my search when-THERE. Right on my desktop, was a SIGN. I blinked, rubbed my eyes and looked again. There it was. Unmistakeable.

PHOTOSHOP!

Of course! I could make a nugget look like whatever I chose! But what? Or whom? Ideally, my nugget would look like someone famous, a polarizing figure with broad appeal and ties to the state of Alaska…

Sarah Palin!

PERFECT!

I began immediately, gathering photos of various nuggets and selecting an iconic image of Mrs. Palin to serve as my model. I mixed and matched, stretched and skewed, blending a collage of various nuggets into her likeness with single-minded determination. Hues were corrected, saturation massaged, edges blurred and melded together with feverish precision until finally, after what seemed like minutes, I was done.

Creatively exhausted but eager to share my inspired creation, I called an audience to my desk for the grand unveiling. I revealed the masterpiece with a flourish, stepping back and basking in the wonder and awe writing itself across their faces.

Silence.

I waited for them to digest the subtlety of concept and precise execution.

“What is it?”

Ummmmmm, it’s a nugget that looks like Sarah Palin.

“No, that doesn’t look like Sarah Palin.”

What?! It looks EXACTLY like Sarah Palin! I copied this pic-

“Yeah, I’m not seeing it either. Looks more like Conan.”

What? Conan? But…

“Oh yeah, I can see that. With the hair and the chin and the eyes…”

Fine. Thanks. What am I going to do with a picture of a nugget that looks like Conan O’Brien?

The Conan O’Brien Nugget

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Here are 10 things you already know about wood, because they are obvious:

1. Wood scratches easily.
2. Wood is not waterproof.
3. Wood changes in appearance over time.
4. Termites eat wood.
5. Wood rots.
6. Wood finishes wear off over time, and must be refinished.
7. Refinishing wood is labor intensive.
8. Wood breaks easily.
9. Millions of people die each year from inhaling wood fumes.
10. That last one is not true.

So, why would an intelligent, responsible person choose to wear a ring made out of a relatively weak, soft, high maintenance material?

Well, if that wood was harvested from the ancient living core of a tree that grew over the grave of one’s ancestor generations ago, and on their wedding day, each male of their line has been given a ring made from the wood of that same exquisite tree for thousands of years in unbroken succession, then that’s a pretty good reason to wear a wooden ring.

But if that’s not you, (it isn’t) then you should not buy a wooden ring. Unless…

Unless some enterprising soul developed a technique whereby wood of magnificent beauty could be rendered waterproof, scratch resistant, incredibly strong, and free of the need for frequent high maintenance refinishing. “But surely” you sputter, “a wood of such exquisite beauty with so impervious a nature could not possibly exist… could it?!”

Yeah. It could.

Created by God and perfected by man in a process called Hardwood Resin Infusion, our wood inlay scoffs at the elements, and routinely relieves lesser mortal wood of its lunch money. The entire depth of the inlay is infused with resin, so you never need to worry about the finish wearing away or separating from the wood. Each ring inlay is cut from a solid chunk, so the grain is seamless. The resin adds rigidity and scratch resistance to the hardwood, and as if that weren’t enough, each seamless, resin infused hardwood inlay is sandwiched between two rings of machined aerospace grade Titanium. It’s not the easiest way to make a wooden ring, it’s the only correct way to make a wooden ring.

These rings need a lifetime warranty like a fish needs a bicycle, but you’ll get one anyway when you purchase your wooden ring from Alaska Jewelry. You’re welcome.

Shop wooden rings now.

Men’s Rings: Care and Handling Tips

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The first motion ring was made by Norman Teufel back in the 1970′s. The Teufel family still makes motion rings, though now there is a host of people knocking off their designs and selling them online. I could go into detail about the differences in quality of materials and craftsmanship between Teufel motion rings and all the pretenders. The differences in durability, movement, and diamond quality. But instead of writing those 2000 words, I’m going to show you two pictures. One is a Teufel Motion Ring. One is not. See if you can spot the differences. Sound off in comments.

If you can’t tell the difference, Congratulations! You’re eligible for amazing (quality) savings!

If you can tell the difference, Congratulations! You’re eligible to shop genuine Teufel motion rings.

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