Don’t buy one. Don’t wear one. DON”T give one as a gift.

Shop REAL gold nugget rings.

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Paper? Seriously? Unless that paper bears the ink of the US Treasury, your man doesn’t want it. Skip the paper and give him a watch. It will remind him of you every time he checks his wrist, making it way harder for him to forget subsequent anniversaries. Not impossible, but harder.

Shop gold nugget watches.

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Recently, a customer called me wanting a wedding ring set that “embodied Alaska”. She’d seen and liked our gold in quartz jewelry and our gold nugget jewelry, but hadn’t found a style that was the perfect fit. Based on the styles she said she liked and the amount they wanted to spend, I put together a series of composite images in photoshop and exchanged emails with her until we’d settled on a custom Alaskan wedding ring set design:

Once we’d finalized her design, the custom wedding band for her Fiancè was easy- he wanted a band to match her wedding band-just bigger:

They approved the design and price, so we got started carving the waxes. First, we cut blank waxes in the approximate size for each ring:

Then, one of our Über-talented jewelers carved each of the waxes until they matched the design and size we needed.
Finished ring waxes:

Once finished, each wax was attached to a wax “tree”, so that when the mold was poured around it and the wax was melted out, the molten gold would have channels to flow through.
Out went the wax, and in went the molten gold.
After cooling, the mold was removed (it’s water soluble) and we had our (rough) gold wedding ring set. Custom designed and built rings-freshly removed from the ring mold:

Then we cut the individual rings off the “gold tree” and threw away the excess gold.

Oh, you’re still reading! We didn’t really throw away the excess gold. We added it to our giant molten gold dipping tank, used to create life-sized sculptures of people who write bad checks. Next, the rings were given a rough polish:

Next, we set the smaller diamonds and soldered in the natural Alaskan gold nuggets and 6-prong head for the engagement ring diamond.
Ready for inlay:

Finally, the natural gold quartz was inlaid, the center diamond was set, and the finished rings were polished and ready to go!

Ta-Dah!

Our customers were so thrilled with their rings that they decided to get married!

They will probably have legions of above-average children who will invent soy-based cures for all forms of maladies and usher the world into a period of peace and prosperity-the likes of which has never been seen before.

I’m not saying we’re directly responsible for all of that, but… Yeah, I guess I am.

Custom jewelry design from Alaska Jewelry

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Just select your item (John Hardy and Tacori items excluded) and when you get to the payments page, enter “valentine” in the coupon code box and click APPLY.

If you’re not sure what to get her, I have a recommendation. You’re welcome.

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As always, you can find the latest John Hardy jewelry styles at Alaska Jewelry, where the prices are always low, the shipping is always free, and the service is almost friendly.

I say almost friendly because you have forgotten all my birthdays…

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“A proposal is too important to leave up to chance.” says Tim Sexton, who recently purchased a a 1.41 Carat Hypnotic engagement ring. “I haven’t found the girl yet,” Tim continues, holding his new purchase proudly “but with this I have the confidence to punch a bit above my weight-if you know what I mean.”

Indeed, we do know what you mean Tim, and you’re not alone. Men across the globe are utilizing the allure of these rings to propose to women who previously seemed unobtainable. “I hesitate to use the term ‘out of my league’” says recently engaged Paul Hill of Cork, Ireland, “but my pals here don’t hesitate to use it at all.” he continues, gesturing to a group of jeering friends-all of whom apparently agree that his fiancè is far more attractive than he is. “What can I say,” he shrugs, “it’s a game changer.”

Yes, it is a game changer. And due to the fact that many smaller diamonds are far more affordable than a single diamond of the same carat weight, the cost savings make the hypnotic engagement ring a no-brainer. As Tim Sexton says: “Why spend $10,000 to land a trout when you can spend $5000 to land a trophy King Salmon?”

Remove the guesswork from your proposal today, by purchasing a hypnotic engagement ring!

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To determine the metal and/or stone type in your men’s ring, repeatedly punch the car belonging to your neighbor who, after multiple warnings, still allows his dog to poop in your yard. Sterling Silver will scratch the most, followed by Platinum, high carat gold rings (18-22k), natural gold nugget rings, 14k rings, Titanium, and finally tungsten men’s rings.

NOTE: Diamonds will scratch windshield glass.
TIP: Write down the GPS coordinates showing where your neighbor can locate his spare tire.

Once you’ve determined the material used to build your men’s ring you can proceed to step 2:

Lather yourself in bacon grease and go for a wilderness hike, pausing frequently to wail like a wounded animal. When attacked by a large predator, subdue it and use your hands to remove its hide, claws, and teeth. Rub men’s ring vigorously on hide to remove scratches.

NOTE: Raw salmon may be used as a substitute for bacon grease-it’s kosher.
TIP: Use the claws and teeth to make a necklace for your wife.

Finally, to remove dirt, residue, and blood from your men’s ring, submerge for 1/2 hour in a solution made of equal parts hydrochloric acid and testosterone. For tougher stains, dip briefly into molten lava. Air dry.

NOTE: If you have little girl hands, remove ring before cleaning.
TIP: Dirt and residue don’t hurt you.

Repeat previous steps as necessary until your current ring is ruined, then buy a real men’s ring from alaskajewelry.com and stop worrying about it.

You’re welcome.

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You’re welcome you old gunslinger, you’re welcome.

No, this didn’t actually happen.

Yet.

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